i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
