i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
