Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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