We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
