guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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