One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
