At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
You ate ashes out of my bong
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
