Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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