the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
