We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
