then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
