We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize