Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
