yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
