piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
