Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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