Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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