so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
