it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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