3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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