yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
