3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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