It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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