He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
