so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
