You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I think I am morally bankrupt
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
