A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
