I smell stomach acid.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
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