Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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