I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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