If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
