So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize