Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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