I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
