In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
