i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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