meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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