I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Someone signed my nipple.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
