he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize