He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
