If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
