meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
