everyone is single if you try hard enough
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize