party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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