its not stalking. its research.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
