I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
