I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
