All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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