i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
