i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize