Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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