hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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