I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
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