It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
