Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
