Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
