ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
