I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
he fucked my hip out of place.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Come on in and take your pants off
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