Pass out mid-funnel last night.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
