Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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