just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Randomize
