you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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