So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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