She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
