you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
