It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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