I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
