Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
