Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
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