i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
