True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
