PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
