my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
