Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
