worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
