thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
